


Armor

by MyChemicalRachel



Series: Otayuri Week 2017 [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Asexual Yuri Plisetsky, Because they both kind of went together, Day Five, Day One, Fear, First Time, M/M, OtaYuri Week 2017, but not sex, it's their first time for other things, there's no sex in this, yuri uses his words instead of violence to convey his feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 09:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9878366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalRachel/pseuds/MyChemicalRachel
Summary: Yuri wasn’t good with words. He had ways of showing emotion; kicking, yelling, name-calling. Words wasn’t really included in that list of things. He felt things beyond anger, but he wore his rage like an armor. It protected him. People couldn’t hurt him if he hurt them first.But then Yuri met Otabek, and everything changed.





	

_Otayuri Week_

_Day One; First Time_

_Day Five; Fear/Encouragement_

 

Yuri wasn’t good with words. He had ways of showing emotion; kicking, yelling, name-calling. Words wasn’t really included in that list of things. He felt things beyond anger, but he wore his rage like an armor. It protected him. People couldn’t hurt him if he hurt them first.

But then Yuri met Otabek, and everything changed.

With Otabek, Yuri felt soft. Like he didn’t need his armor anymore. He didn’t feel the desire to hurt Otabek because he knew Otabek wouldn’t hurt him. When they were alone, Otabek became his armor.

But there are some things Otabek couldn’t protect him from.

With his back pressed against the mattress, the weight of Otabek on top of him, Yuri felt more terrified than he ever had felt in his life.

There were lips on his neck, gentle hands on his hips. Yuri felt like screaming. Instead, his voice sounded broken and scared when he said, “Stop.”

Otabek did. His mouth and hands disappeared and, in an instant, the older boy was moving away. There was concern in his brown eyes as he sat back on his knees. He looked down at Yuri with a frown. He didn’t ask the obvious “ _are you okay_ ” question, Yuri was thankful; he wasn’t sure whether he was or not. Instead Otabek said, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

But Yuri wasn’t sure he could answer that.

Nothing was wrong. Everything was wrong.

“Yuri.” Otabek’s voice is as gentle as his touch had been. He makes no move to touch Yuri now. “Yuri, please. Tell me what I did wrong.”

Yuri scoots away, lets his back rest against the headboard. There’s a distance between them that Yuri longs to close. He wraps both arms around his knees and honestly says, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“So then tell me why you look scared.” Otabek’s voice cracks near the end.

It makes Yuri’s chest ache and this time he does reach forward. He twists their fingers together, half expecting Otabek to pull his hand away. He doesn’t. Yuri watches their hands when he says, “I’m sorry. I should have told you before.”

Otabek scoots a few inches closer on the bed. “Tell me now.”

Yuri shakes his head, but doesn’t answer.

Otabek’s fingers slide under his chin, encouraging him to look up. Their eyes meet. Yuri’s are watery with unshed tears. “Please, talk to me. You’re scared of something. Is it… Is it me?”

Yuri grabs onto the back of Otabek’s head, holding him there before he can move away. His green eyes are hard, the same soldier-eyes Otabek remembers seeing when he first met Yuri. “I’m not scared of you.”

Otabek believes him, so he nods. “But you’re scared of something. Is it because we were kissing?”

Again, Yuri doesn’t answer.

Otabek sighs, considering this answer enough. But it doesn’t make sense. They’ve kissed a million times before and Yuri has never acted like this. No, it was something else. Something different.

“Yuri please,” Otabek repeats. “Just talk to me. I need you to talk to me.”

Otabek listens as Yuri breathes deeply, like he’s trying to calm himself before he has a panic attack. Otabek waits. And when Yuri finally speaks, he doesn’t look up, but his voice is clear. “You were touching me. You had your hands on my hips and I didn’t like it.”

Slowly, Otabek extricates himself. Each finger brushing Yuri’s skin seems to burn with guilt and he can’t stand it. He shuffles away again. For some reason, this seems to make Yuri sadder. His lower lip quivers.

Otabek can see it when Yurio’s posture changes, like he’s physically putting on a suit of armor. His rage is back and this time it’s directed at Otabek.

“Fuck you,” Yuri spits. His jaw sets, eyes narrow,  and he glares at Otabek. “That’s it? I don’t want to have sex with you, so you’re done? You’re just leaving?”

“Is that what you want?” Otabek asks slowly. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I want you to _want_ to stay!” Yuri yells.

“I don’t want to stay,” Otabek admits. “Not if it means hurting you. I never want to hurt you. I love you.”

And that’s when the dam inside Yuri’s tear ducts breaks. He crumbles in on himself, tears flowing freely in ugly sobs. Nobody has ever said that to him before. Not his parents before they left, not his grandfather who’s way of showing affection is a gruff _“good job”_ and a pat on the back.

But Yuri should have known that with Otabek, everything is different.

That’s why, when he calms down enough to use words, Yuri says something he’s never had the courage to say out loud. “It’s called asexual. I am asexual.” He can’t look Otabek in the eye, but he feels relieved knowing that Otabek heard him. Knowing that Otabek cares. Yuri wipes at his tears, sniffles, and presses on before he loses this newfound bravery. “When you were touching me, I got scared. I thought you were ready and I’m… not. I love you and I want to be with you and I should have told you a long time ago, but I was scared and--”

Yuri never finishes that thought because Otabek is pressing their lips together and Yuri finds it hard to think, much less speak. When they part again, Yuri is dazed. Otabek is smiling. “You just said you love me.”

Yuri just nods dumbly. “Yeah. I do.”

“I love you, too.”

Their fingers brush together where they lie on the mattress. Yuri likes looking at their hands side by side. He likes how long Otabek’s fingers are, how his palms are darker than Yuri’s, how they fit together so easily. Like they were built to be that way.

“We should talk about boundaries,” Otabek says. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable again.”

“You know this isn’t a just-for-now thing,” Yuri says. His voice is thick and his heart is racing. He’s nervous, but this is something he needs to say. “I might never want to have sex with you.”

Otabek presses his hand into Yuri’s. His thumb slides in circles against Yuri’s knuckles. “I know.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“I can live happily without sex,” Otabek says. He sounds so sincere it almost hurts. “I’m not so sure I can say the same about a life without you.”

When Yuri tackles Otabek in a kiss, it feels different. There’s no fear, no pressure, no holding back. Yuri kisses like he does everything; aggressively and with passion, putting his entire heart and soul into it. And with Otabek, he feels safe. He doesn’t have to worry about letting go and falling headfirst into this because he loves Otabek, Otabek loves him, and he knows that Otabek will always be there to catch him. His suit of armor, to protect him from anything.


End file.
